14 things I love:

1. Indie music

2. Painting bottles

3. being creative

4. being inspired

5. being silly

6. being with people

7. Not being bored

8. Having a routine and schedule

9. swimming

10. soft, warm fleece (blanket, bathrobe, pajamas, etc)

11. the color of moonlight streaming through bedroom windows

12. watching six feet under, futurama, the office, and the family guy

13. lava lamps

14. my pink vintage looking cardigan

This circus is falling down on its knees
The big top is crumbling down
Its raining in baltimore fifty miles east
Where you should be, no ones around

I need a phone call
I need a raincoat
I need a big love
I need a phone call

These train conversations are passing me by
And I dont have nothing to say
You get what you pay for
But I just had no intention of living this way

I need a phone call
I need a plane ride
I need a sunburn
I need a raincoat

And I get no answers
And I dont get no change
Its raining in baltimore, baby
But everything else is the same

Theres things I remember and things I forget
I miss you I guess that I should
Three thousand five hundred miles away
But what would you change if you could?

I need a phone call
Maybe I should buy a new car
I can always hear a freight train if I listen real hard
And I wish it was a small world
Because Im lonely for the big towns
Id like to hear a little guitar
I think its time to put the top down

I need a phone call
I need a raincoat

--Raining in Baltimore by the Counting Crows

Hi. Well, it's been a while since I've updated this thing, so here goes...

Lately, I've been really tired and lethargic, and all I've wanted to do is lie in bed. I don't feel sadness. But I do feel apathy. I'm going to the doctor's next week so I will mention it then.
I've also been irritable.

I'm getting really worried because I don't have a job and I thought I would by now. I feel really like just..."who cares" and that concerns me too. The volunteer thing fell through, and that is upsetting to me, because I really was looking forward to it and thought it would work out. I feel like I'm falling and there's nothing underneath me sometimes. It's strange when things don't work out. I feel like, what do I do now? I guess find another place to volunteer. I'm just so tired and feel defeated right now. But it looks like I will either do that, or apply for jobs, or both.

The good thing is that I see my doctor next week so we can talk about it. I dropped in on a figure drawing class last week and next week I start my art class. I hope it goes ok... I'm looking into working with animals..

Beetles, Wildfire: Double Threat In Warming World

scientists say global warming is the cause of insects and forest fires in northern america.

http://www3.signonsandiego.com/stories/2009/aug/23/climate-09-beetles-and-smoke-082309/

Here are some of my summer doodles (the camera is back!)

I have a crush...

On rhythm! I want to play the drums. I want to be in a band! Too bad I am broke, or I'd take lessons :)

In other news, I am still volunteering, I signed up to take an art class at college this fall, and I am filling out an employment app for something I'd really like to do. the end.

snl clip

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

It's gonna get better

Reach out, hands in the air,
Don't care just what they're saying
Hold out, just keep on hoping against hope
That it's gonna get better
Don't worry, there's no hurry for you, for me,
Everything's gonna come around
Shout out, someone will listen to you, to me,
Someone's gonna see

He calls me over and, calls me brother and i know
Always fighting and moonlighting and, well it never ends
In the city, if you're all alone
There's a sister and she's standing next to her man
In the doorways and in the hallways and
She don't really care, it's the city and she's all alone

So reach out, hands in the air
Don't care just what they're saying
Hold out, just keep on hoping against hope,
That it's gonna get better
Don't worry, there's no hurry for you, for me,
Everything's gonna come around
Shout out, someone will listen to you, to me,
Someone's gonna see, yeah

Well everywhere you go you, you live in the shadow of fear
In the darkness you feel the sharpness of steel
And it's always there, in the city, and you're all alone

So reach out, hands in the air
Don't care just what they're saying
Hold out, just keep on hoping against hope,
That it's gonna get better
Don't worry, there's no hurry for you, for me,
Everything's gonna come around
Shout out, someone will listen to you, to me
Someone's gonna see...

If it's gonna get better, it starts with a feeling
If it's gonna get better, it's gonna take time
If it's gonna get better, we've gotta start now
Cos i know, everybody can feel it
And i know, everybody will see it
Cos it shows, and that shows i'm not dreaming
Cos you know, and i know, it's time for change

Lyrics by Genesis "It's Gonna Get Better"

heartlandtruckstop

Yesterday I had my volunteer gig. It went well. All I did was ride on a bus with old people. It was fun though :p

I decided to take an art class after all. I may not be able to because a lot of the community college courses are filled up. But I'm going to see what I can do.

Today I saw "Julie and Julia" with some people in my program. It was a really really good movie.

But I need love
It is patience, it is kindness
I need love
It is rain after the dryness
I need love
Sister Wisdom, help me see
It's the only thing that I need
The only thing that I need

--Lyrics from"Love" by Sixpence None the Richer

Love, be kind, forgive, be patient, accept, and have faith.

Days remaining until I get the digital camera back: still next week sometime, less days than before

I haven't really been taking care of myself. I mean it's not something that people would really notice. I want to start (taking better care of myself).

Tomorrow I start my volunteer gig.

I need to clean up my room. I treat it like crap but want to make it into a sacred space.

My brother is coming home next week and I am really excited to see him. To be honest, it has been really nice not having him around for a while, haha. But the honeymoon period is over now and I really miss joking around with him and just talking about life. He's such a goof.

Today fell on our outside stairs this morning and bruised my lower back. I am OK though. I also hit my head on the wooden railing. It didn't really hurt much (hitting my head; falling on my back hurt a lot) but it made a noise and I was worried. I think I'm ok though. I have a doctor appt tomorrow so I can mention it.

On Sunday I went to the Scottish games w/ my group and saw the caber toss. I also bought a bridie and walked around. It was fun.

estimated date I get the digital camera back: sometime next week

Goats

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=111582805

I just got excited that a webcomic is being featured in an NPR article. <3

Today we moved my aunt into assisted living. I got a volunteer application from there, and am about to fill it out.

So, I found some webcomics that I like. I found them here: http://topwebcomics.com/

I started a notebook. I'm not sure what to call it yet. It started out with my sketch comedy ideas, but now I've started drawing a comicbook kind of about my life..drawing, writing, etc. It's actually a great outlet for expressing myself, and makes me feel good.

I am jonesing for our digital camera. dammit! There are things I want to post here.

I bought some girly comic books and they've been amusing me today.

Things are going pretty well.

I want to post more of my art but my brother has the digital camera until mid August. Guess I'll just have to wait.

I am like...I just feel alone right now. Things are going well but when I am not with people I am sad. I need a stronger foundation. I am on active status with the 1 group I'm in and I hope it helps. I also want to join more groups so I can meet more people. I want to find my niche. I want to belong.

Megan's fund: chip in!!!

PLEASE make sure to click on the second link and donate!!!

http://kellyraeroberts.blogspot.com/
http://widget.chipin.com/widget/id/cd8b1459b88e9540

I'm OK

Today I went to see Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince (again :p).

After that, I went to see my therapist / psychiatrist. I might need a med change. It was a really good session. We talked about a lot of meaningful stuff..we talked about my diagnosis. I feel good about it. My diagnosis. I don't feel ashamed anymore. Well, I still won't tell just anyone. But for myself, I feel ok with it.

I am listening to "Color Blind" by Natalie Walker right now. I think it was originally done by the Counting Crows, but I like this version better. It's beautiful.

Luke: I can't believe it.
Yoda: That is why you fail.
http://www.positivityblog.com/

ode to Anne Taintor

home sweet...um

I just got back from vacation. I was in the Adirondacks with my family. It was great. It was really really great. There was no computer and no neighbors. It was fantastic. Seriously. I had a lot of time to myself and in a different way than normal. It made me realize a lot of things. Things that made me happy and things that just helped me understand. It's weird though because things felt so tangible when I was up there. My goals. My dreams. Etc. But since being home, I'm feeling a little hopeless again.

Now that I'm back, I want to move out of my parents house. With a passion. I can't stand being in the same house I was born in and grew up in and was negaitvely warped in. I can't stand living next door to x either. I think "can't stand" is too big a statement. I can stand it. I just want to get out.

My dreams/goals:

1. go back to academia

2. get a job I enjoy

3. move out of my parents' house

Can't sleep

random quote from mscl:
"I'm in love. His name is Jordan Catalano. He was left back, twice. Once I almost touched his shoulder in the middle of a pop quiz. He's always closing his eyes, like it hurts to look at things."

OK, so I'm wide awake even though normally at this time of night I would be asleep.

I had an epiphany. That is all I am going to say about that. Except that I think that's partly why I can't sleep. I feel different.

I got my hair cut and it looks like shit. I mean, it looks ok, I don't know. I am never really satisfied with my hair.

I miss Spain. I want to go back. I didn't appreciate it when I was there. I'm glad I have my memories though. They're all good ones.

I've been exercising more and it's nice. I'm really glad I'm taking a dance class. I think I might take one in the fall too.

I am looking for a job. Sometimes, ok, a lot of times, I get sidetracked, or lazy, or both. And it doesn't help that most people in my life don't care if I stayed unemployed for now. I am getting services from a social outreach group, and for the past month I have really been sidetracked by that. Anyway, sidetracked no more!

I miss Marian. I really work well when I am working with someone else to get things done. I don't know if that is ultimately beneficial but it was really helpful to me at the time. So I miss being in school and going to her to talk about things.

Just Dance

I'm taking an adult ballet class. The people there are nice and I just forgot how much I love dancing. I "met" a lady there who I remembered from an art history class I took in college from like 5 years ago. Small world. I heart dance!

All You Need Is Love

So I'm just kind of hanging out doing mindless things, like zoning out at the computer.
I went to my uncle's camp today with my family. It was great. I had totally forgotten this was something we were going to do until last night. And then when this morning came, I was a little nervous because it is in the middle of nowhere. It turned out great though. I love my family.

Sometimes I wonder if I should stop thinking about a career in art and focus more on helping the world. Because, I mean, like, how does art help the world? Well, I suppose it takes our minds off all the problems in it...guess I was thinking more like...art history. Although I am really interested, what is the point? I mean how does it make the world better? Guess I'm confused about where I want to go, or...I am torn. it's ok tho. It'll figure itself out :)

Happy Fathers Day

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105604344

When people talk about the wonderful thing he did by adopting Johnathan, Miller
tells his son, "I say, 'You don't understand. I didn't do this to save some
little child.' It's father and son, but it's also, you know, you are my best
friend; there's no doubt about it."

me likes this article

http://www.calgaryherald.com/Employers+could+save+billions+reducing+stigma+mental+illness/1177128/story.html
People with mental illness are not pathetic or weak or stupid. They are the strongest of all for coping with their personal struggles. I like this article.

I love you, tea

Inspiration